1 00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,230 It's so lovely to finally meet you. 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:04,990 Yeah, great, likewise. 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,650 God, doesn't the smell of school 4 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,440 make you want to kill yourself? 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,670 - Where's Marion tonight? - Your guess is as good as mine. 6 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,590 Apparently my mother no longer has any interest in maintaining 7 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,830 the welfare of my children. Look... I can't... I can't be here long, 8 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,590 I've got a massive thing to prep for work, 9 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,990 so if you could just sort of stick to the headlines. 10 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,710 Just the lowdown. 11 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,270 Like, a sneak peek, I suppose. 12 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,420 Basically, what would the trailer be for this parents' evening? 13 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,470 I'm not sure, if you don't mind me saying, 14 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,030 I don't really understand your parenting style. 15 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,270 Because you're never here, and when you are, you're late, 16 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,670 and you barely get involved in any of the school activities so... 17 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,590 OK, OK. I think I know what this is about. 18 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,150 Is this because I forgot to buy you a bottle of wine at Christmas? 19 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,670 - No, it's because... - If it is, 20 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,950 I really don't think that's very fair, because I didn't know 21 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,990 about the present-giving culture at this school. 22 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,270 - It's not. - What do you want me to do? 23 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,910 Do you want me to bring you an apple every day? 24 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,390 Do you want me to tip you at Christmas, like the binmen? 25 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,670 - Pardon? - Oh, God, it's like a bloody racket here. 26 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,470 What is this?! Can you all just back off a bit? 27 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,440 It's not the Antiques Roadshow. 28 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,280 Jesus! 29 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:20,990 Anne's doing the drinks? 30 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,470 Oh, for God's sake. 31 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:23,990 Anne's measures are too small. 32 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,350 It's not Glastonbury, Liz. 33 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,670 Exactly! It's a bloody school fundraiser. 34 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,350 We need alcohol, Kevin, proper measures. 35 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,870 You were the one who said Anne should do the drinks last time. 36 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,910 I was going by her being Irish, it's before I knew her. 37 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,550 Am I going insane? 38 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,750 That looks like Caroline Lacy. 39 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,670 Caroline, yeah, Rueben's mum. Just come back from Thailand. 40 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,390 Thailand for a family holiday -- dear, oh, dear. 41 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,550 Caroline Lacy goes to our school? 42 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,470 - Hi, babe. - Do you know her? 43 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,910 Do I know her?! How do you NOT know her? 44 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,350 I do know her -- we're talking about her because we know her, 45 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,990 - and you don't. - Excuse me, Liz, I know her, 46 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,790 we started with the same company together. 47 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,710 We were quite close at one point. 48 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,430 Until she won every bloody award going. 49 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,310 Follow me, kids. Caroline! 50 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,950 Hello! Hi. 51 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,030 Hello, you! I didn't know you went to this school. 52 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,590 Yeah! Yeah, I do. These are mine. 53 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,830 What? I thought they were Marion's? 54 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,430 No, no, that's my mother. 55 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,190 - Oh! Love Marion. - Who doesn't? 56 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,910 Oh! Here we go. See you around. 57 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,800 Yes, see you around! 58 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,630 She remembered me! 59 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,670 - Didn't say your name. - What? 60 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,470 Didn't she? I'm sure she did. 61 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,560 No. Unless your name is "Around". 62 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,350 Is this You've Been Framed? 63 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,910 No, no, that was my wedding. 64 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,560 That's my dad. 65 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,030 - Oh, God! That cake looks nice. - Mm! 66 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,110 I might go and get some cake, unless you want to share that with me? 67 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,030 No, I want to eat all of it on my own. 68 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,550 Pig! 69 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,150 I think that's the meeting for the fundraiser. 70 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,550 Shouldn't we be over there? 71 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,710 I'm doing drinks, you're doing the cloakroom. 72 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,510 Why do we need to go to a meeting? 73 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,230 And don't complicate it, Kevin. 74 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,150 They hate it when you complicate things. 75 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,830 Why would you want to get involved? 76 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,630 - Well, you have to do your bit. - Do you, though, do you really? 77 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,870 - Yeah, you do. - Do you, though? 78 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,280 - Yes. - I'm just going to go over and... 79 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,680 I'll just go over. 80 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,510 Do you, though? 81 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,990 Fundraiser! 82 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,110 - Kevin! - I'm so sorry. 83 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,310 - You frightened Anne. - I'm all right. 84 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,070 - I'm so sorry, Anne. - I'm fine now. 85 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,550 I'm just saying, you know... 86 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,390 Here we go. 87 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,680 Let's do it. 88 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,950 Let's do it for all the kids who need this kind of specialised 89 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,510 - equipment in the music room. - You're doing the cloakroom, right? 90 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:57,590 - Yes. - Great. 91 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,760 - See you tomorrow. - Yes, yes. See you tomorrow. 92 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,510 Oh, dear. What happened? 93 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,310 I don't... 94 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,640 .. really know. 95 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,710 - What's going on there? - Charlie and Manus are best friends 96 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,950 since Manus got a drone. So me and Cersei Lannister are being civil 97 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,080 - for the children. - Manus! 98 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,590 That's weird. 99 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,680 - What? - Well, it's just whenever, um... 100 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,510 No. Forget it. I'm being paranoid. 101 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,870 - Go on, what is it? Tell me. Maybe I can... - Well... 102 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,470 Caroline! 103 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,950 Hello! Again. 104 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,830 Hi. Not working today? 105 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,310 Not today, Spoken Orchid are pretty good with flexitime. 106 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,270 Don't work Fridays, do half day Wednesdays. 107 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,670 Essentially means I've got a three-day week. 108 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,470 Oh, that's sick! That's brilliant. 109 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,710 Yeah, it stops me running around like a mental patient. 110 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,390 God, yeah, I imagine it does. 111 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,990 Have you heard about this fundraiser? 112 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,270 Oh, God. 113 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,590 No way... 114 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,350 - I'm organising it. - .. would I miss that, 115 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,230 because I think we have to do our bit. 116 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,030 As parents, we have to do our bit. 117 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,030 - Got to. - Anything I can do, just say the word. 118 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,590 We're having a planning meeting, if you'd like to come to that. 119 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,470 You bet I would! Any time. 120 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,190 Over there. 121 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,830 Oh, it's happening now. 122 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,240 Er, OK, yeah. I'll just get my bits and bobs. 123 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,840 She still hasn't said your name. 124 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,110 Should... should Kevin come? 125 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,120 Er... 126 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,910 I'd like to take this opportunity to be a little bit creative, 127 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,870 and think a little bit outside the box, as it were. 128 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:54,070 Last year I was Nibbles King, do you remember? 129 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,030 I had all the bags of crisps and nuts pinned to me. 130 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,720 That was fun, wasn't it? 131 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,110 But I thought this year, I'd go one better -- 132 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,920 human cloakroom. 133 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,990 So everyone puts their coats on me, 134 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,150 instead of hanging them up in the cloakroom. 135 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,710 I wear everyone's coats! 136 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:18,470 What a sight! And then when everyone's ready to go, 137 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,760 the cloakroom comes to them. 138 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,910 Let's say we charge £1 a coat. 139 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,510 Why don't we just charge £1 a coat in the cloakroom? 140 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,000 Why?! 141 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,710 My God, Amanda. 142 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,870 Why are there rainbows? 143 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,670 Why is there Ant and Dec? 144 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,030 Because it's fun. 145 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,030 It's fun, goodness! Well, I'm going to do it anyway, 146 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,750 so set up a normal cloakroom if you want. 147 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,990 But it's going to have stiff competition 148 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,510 from the human cloakroom. 149 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,880 Let the battle of the cloakrooms commence! 150 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,270 Caroline, I just noticed there's no tombola, 151 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,950 and I usually do the tombola. 152 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,830 Well, I just thought it didn't feel like a tombola sets the right tone, 153 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,390 - if that makes sense? - Sure. Of course. 154 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,110 I mean, sorry, Amanda, I'm not blocking you. 155 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,030 I just think we should be a bit more ambitious for this one. 156 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,510 This fundraiser is close to my heart, as you know, 157 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,400 with Rueben, and what the music room means to him. 158 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,590 - Rueben's mythraxic. - Oh, I'm so sorry. 159 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,350 Oh, no, it means he's musically gifted. 160 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,230 - Oh, how lovely. - Well, I'm more than happy to melt into the background, 161 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,550 Caroline. I don't know, maybe 162 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,910 this year I could just... host it. 163 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,790 Is Liz really doing the drinks? 164 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,510 Because her measures are demented. I mean, do you remember 165 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,070 the last time she did them? 166 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,950 No. I don't think anyone does. 167 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,030 Ladies, ladies. Is everyone listening? Everyone? 168 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,030 We're talking about prizes now. 169 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,870 I really want to make sure we don't get the same old cake sale crap 170 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,270 this year. Can't we just do something a bit fresher? 171 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,110 Ooh! Ooh! Why don't we make it 172 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,550 so that everyone gets a chance to host? 173 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,990 That would be fun, wouldn't it? 174 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,350 - We could all... - We're doing prizes now, Kevin. 175 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,720 Anyone have any ideas? About prizes? 176 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,760 Just off the top of my head, we could do a, uh... 177 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,750 .. auction of promises. 178 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:17,390 Like, you get a gardener to promise to trim your hedge, or something. 179 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,910 - OK. - They do it a lot at Hollywood events. 180 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,710 Yeah, I love that. 181 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,750 Like Richard Gere promises to go on his yacht. 182 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,070 Ricky Martin does... 183 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,870 .. something. Uma Thurman auctioned a kiss at Cannes, 184 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,510 and she made 200,000 or something mad. 185 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,590 I love it. We're doing that. 186 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,310 I agree. Let's do it. 187 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,000 - I agree. - Agreed! 188 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,110 There she is! 189 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,720 My saviour! 190 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,870 Auction of promises -- brilliant. 191 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:54,040 Oh, please! It's great to be able to contribute to... 192 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,990 - .. this cause. - Listen. 193 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,950 Between ourselves, Spoken Orchid are looking for people at the moment. 194 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,390 Just in case you want to pass along your resume. 195 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,430 Great, I didn't even know that you were looking for people. 196 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,190 You're coming tonight, right? 197 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,520 Am I? I mean, I can. 198 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,470 I mean, I definitely am. 199 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,830 I love to do events at the school. 200 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,710 I love being at school, out of hours. 201 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,070 What do you think of this? We thought it would be fun 202 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,310 to do a thermometer that showed how much money was coming in. 203 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,000 - That is such fun. - Would you mind knocking one up? 204 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,550 Love to. No problem. I've got plenty of time for crafts. 205 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,510 - You need to be able to see it from the back of the hall. - OK! - OK. 206 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,080 Bye. 207 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,870 Still didn't say your name. 208 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,430 Perfect chance there, and all. 209 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,550 Liz, she as good as offered me a job. 210 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,960 She just wants to see your CV so she can find out your name. 211 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,070 Hey, hey. 212 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,750 - On the roof. - Ugh, I'm an idiot. 213 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,030 I won't argue with that! Joking! 214 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,640 It happens to the best of us. 215 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,160 - Did you see that? - Huh? 216 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,350 Caroline Lacy, yeah. She's with Spoken Orchid. 217 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,430 Spoken Orchid. I mean, this could be so useful for us, Paul -- 218 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,990 I mean, me especially. 219 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,670 I mean, the flexitime alone could change my life. 220 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,710 I mean, if you could just have them for an hour or so, 221 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,830 - that would be great. What do you think? - Julia, I can't. 222 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,990 I think this thing's going to go on for another couple of hours. 223 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,510 Sorry, what is it again? 224 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:36,110 It's just some team-building bollocks, it never ends. 225 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,710 Baby, I'd better go. 226 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,710 Good luck with the baby-sitter -- whatever you want to do, 227 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,160 I'm right behind you. 228 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,070 - Will you be long? - Not at all. 229 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,630 It will be like I've barely left. 230 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:57,550 Help yourself to beers, the kids are asleep, so... 231 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,550 I'm not much of a night owl. 232 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,360 Oh, dear. What will keep you awake? 233 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,470 Sherry? Literally, help yourself to anything. 234 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,110 I can't be up late. 235 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,030 And you won't be, Barbara. 236 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,950 You know, if you're feeling tired, feel free to have a lie-down. 237 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,550 Oh, don't look so worried. 238 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,440 My mother is dead old, she did this for years. 239 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,870 Do you like MasterChef? 240 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,800 Let's get a bit of MasterChef on. 241 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,480 There you go. Egg Wallace. Have fun. 242 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,120 Fantastic. 243 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,960 Actually, if you could help me pop that on, maybe. Brilliant. 244 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,320 Tickets, tickets? 245 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,310 I'll remember, it's fine. I'll remember. 246 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,120 - Thank you. - Thank you. - It's fun, isn't it? 247 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,350 You all right? You look very uncomfortable. 248 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,390 Oh, no, having a great time. 249 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,830 It's fun, isn't it? Isn't it fun? 250 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,710 Everyone's responding really well to it. 251 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,150 You look like you're melting. 252 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,560 - Do you want some water? - Oh, yeah, sure. 253 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,790 I can't bend my arm. 254 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,510 Someone's phone's ringing. 255 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,160 - Don't touch anything, Anne. - I was just looking. 256 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,830 Oh, hey, go easy there now. 257 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,230 Your measures are very large. 258 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,910 They're not, they're normal. 259 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,710 Normal for a school fundraiser. 260 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,950 Yeah, well, just don't get high off your own supply 261 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,310 and start acting the giddy goat. 262 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,550 - Oh, shush. - Last time you did the drinks, I woke up in the park. 263 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,200 My husband was furious. 264 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,710 What is that anyway? 265 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,350 - I don't know. Sangria? - What is sangria? Red wine? 266 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,590 Anything. Sangria's red wine and anything. 267 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,800 In Spanish, sangria means "any old shit". 268 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,470 Can I have some alcohol, please? I don't care what. 269 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,030 - I've got just the thing. - Look, I'm manning the thermometer now. 270 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,830 I made it, and I'm working it all night. 271 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,470 It's like building your own gallows. 272 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,190 I want to be able to get straight home. 273 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,440 I've got this sleepy-looking old woman looking after the kids. 274 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,000 God, I wish he hadn't put my coat on first. 275 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,470 Uh-oh! The drinks are out already. 276 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,080 I'd better get a move on before you're all legless! 277 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,990 OK. Now. 278 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,200 Can I get a "hey, girl"? 279 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,800 Hey, girl. No? OK... 280 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,390 OK, welcome, everybody. 281 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,360 Are we going to have fun? 282 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,190 OK, well, the answer to that question is, you bet we are. 283 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,750 Now. We're going to do things a little bit differently this year. 284 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:07,240 We're doing an auction of promises. 285 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,390 Oooh! 286 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,990 Yeah, just pop your promise on a piece of paper, anything you like, 287 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,590 and stick it in the box. 288 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,590 As you know, it's for a good cause. 289 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,550 We've been trying to get a Yamaha keyboard for the music room 290 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,710 for a few years. 291 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,910 Now... 292 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,790 I can see there's only two promises in here so far 293 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,160 so, come on, everybody, let's get those promises in! 294 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,520 OK. Thank you. 295 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,670 Have you noticed how Amanda hoses herself down 296 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,550 - every time she interacts with me and my kids? - Does she? 297 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,470 I thought I was imagining it at first, but, yeah. 298 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,470 What are you eating? Are those onion rings? 299 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,960 - Where did you find those? - Found them in the back. 300 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,070 Oh, from 2002. 301 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,750 They're 15 years old?! 302 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,350 It's fine. They are 90% E numbers. 303 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,510 These crisps will outlive us. 304 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,830 Go on, then. God, no wonder Amanda thinks you're Dirty Jezzy. 305 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,240 A dirty jezzy? 306 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,310 Oh, my dad used to say it. 307 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,950 Short for Jezebel. We were watching Top Of The Pops and he'd say, 308 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,710 "Look at those dirty jezzies." 309 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,670 Exactly, she thinks I'm a dirty jezzy. 310 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,320 Oh, don't let it get to you. 311 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,590 Look, if she was a REAL friend, then it might mean something but... 312 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,080 Coming, Caroline. 313 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,550 Would you like a drink, Amanda? 314 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,070 I never drink when I'm performing. 315 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,550 - Here you go. - Great. 316 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,500 Do you want to... You can just pop them in the box yourself. 317 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,630 No, you only have to do one. 318 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,720 - Oh, no. I'm doing Kevin and Julia's for them. - OK. 319 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,710 Don't worry. I barely touched them. 320 00:15:58,760 --> 00:15:59,800 Sorry? 321 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,960 - Did you think I was funny? - Yeah, funny! 322 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,230 OK, everybody, I think that's everyone now. 323 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,150 Let's get this show on the road! 324 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,960 Yay, thanks, Caroline! 325 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,950 OK, and our first one is... 326 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,790 Keith Carter. 327 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,390 Where's Keith? There he is. 328 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:33,390 Hello, Keith. And Keith says he'll do a... 329 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,070 .. portrait of your pet. 330 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,720 That sounds rather lovely. 331 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,510 Um, shall we start the bidding at £10? 332 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,990 Anyone? £10. 333 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,920 Keith, if someone doesn't have a pet, would you do a family member? 334 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,430 Um, I can't do hands. 335 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,470 OK. 336 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,630 - £10. - And we're off. 337 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,590 There you are. 338 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,710 I've had three people asking for you -- 339 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,190 could you please just hang everything up in the cloakroom. 340 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,390 Caroline, are you kidding?! 341 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,550 I've had a brilliant response to the human cloakroom from... 342 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,440 .. Keith and... 343 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,310 Keith just loved it. 344 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,870 Now, if you'll excuse me. 345 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,240 I need some water. 346 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,960 Fantastic, Samantha! There you go. Congratulations! 347 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,230 Free haircuts for a week. I wish I'd bid on that one. 348 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,910 Free haircuts for a week? 349 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,520 Isn't that just one haircut? 350 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:44,750 Ah, this next one is... very exciting. 351 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,230 Kevin Brady. 352 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,320 Where's Kevin? 353 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,640 Kevin. 354 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,110 Um, Kevin has offered a couple's massage. 355 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,910 Would anyone like a couples massage from Kevin Brady? 356 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,430 I didn't put that in. 357 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,110 I'll do it if you want, but I haven't got any training. 358 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,990 I put it in. I put a few in. 359 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,750 Kevin, I presume that you'll come to someone's house, 360 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,720 or do they have to come to you? 361 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:17,270 OK. Well, we can work that out later. 362 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,920 Shall we start the bidding at... 363 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,270 ..£25? 364 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,110 Anyone? 365 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,910 £25? 366 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,390 Come on, who's up for a lovely couple's massage? 367 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,270 With Kevin. 368 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,430 Give me a drink. 369 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,150 No-one's bidding on this shit. 370 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,510 No offence, Kevin, but come on. 371 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,560 Well, I didn't write it, Liz did. 372 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,470 You've been very generous so far. 373 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,630 Christ, Anne! What is in that?! 374 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,350 - Liz made it. - We can do this. I'm watching this thermometer. 375 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,430 If someone bids on this, you have to do it, Liz. 376 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,710 I'm not giving a couple a massage. 377 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,310 OK, well, no bids on that one yet. 378 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,150 Maybe we'll come back for it later. 379 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,070 But thank you anyway, Kevin. 380 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,560 Ladies and gentlemen. 381 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,630 I still haven't done my one yet. 382 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,800 Um... Hmm... 383 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,600 I know. 384 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,600 OK. 385 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,480 Just a little surprise for later. 386 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,790 You saw me after I had the sports jacket? 387 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:37,110 I think I had the blue anorak on when I saw you. 388 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,710 That's here. How could I have got to this one, 389 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,680 and not got to your one? 390 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,750 Oh, wait. I had to take them all off 391 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,990 when I went to the toilet. 392 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,560 Someone's... phone's ringing. 393 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,270 So that's £45 for a meal for two at Alfresco's, 394 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,390 courtesy of Giuseppe and Lorna! 395 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,830 Thanks, L and G, and congratulations, Nicky. 396 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,720 Enjoy those dough balls. 397 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,640 Uh-oh! 398 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:10,710 This is my one. 399 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,710 Um, I can't believe I did this. 400 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,270 Anyway. Bit of fun. 401 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,640 Um... 402 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,880 I auction... 403 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,040 .. a kiss. 404 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,680 That's right. 405 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,120 A kiss to the highest bidder. 406 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,830 Shall we start the bidding at £50? 407 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,680 Who wants a kiss for £50? 408 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,120 Anyone? A kiss from a lady. 409 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,710 Oh, come on, don't be shy. 410 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,590 This is for charity. 411 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,350 Anyone? Any bids? 412 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,720 50 pence. 413 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:03,270 Thanks, Liz. Any raise on 50 pence? 414 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,430 Hmm? 415 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,550 Come on, everyone. This is for children, for the music block. 416 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,270 We can get those keyboards. 417 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,710 We're so close, come on. 418 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,190 Anyone? 419 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,310 - £1. - No-one raised it. 420 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,270 Oh, 50 pence still. 421 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,790 50 pence still. Still 50 pence. 422 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,520 Any raise over 50 pence? 423 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,310 £1? 424 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,390 Does anyone want to bid £1? 425 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,070 - £1. - No-one raised it! 426 00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,710 Oh, sorry. Sorry, that's it, isn't it? 427 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,830 Have I won? No-one else is bidding on it. 428 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,710 Who else? OK, well. 429 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,990 I think that Liz is having a little bit of fun with me right now, 430 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,720 because I don't think that 50... 431 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:19,720 There's that phone again. 432 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,870 Can somebody help me find it? 433 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,310 Look, I really need to leave. 434 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:30,350 Let's make a real push to get our target up. 435 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,080 We are so close, guys, to getting this keyboard. 436 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,950 I know how important music is to our kids -- my son, Reuben, 437 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,150 is very musically gifted. 438 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,350 And he really found his voice when he got his first euphonium. 439 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,710 Which, for those of you who don't know, is a dinky little tuba. 440 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:54,030 So let's dig deep, and shell out. 441 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,310 Can I... Can I grab that for a minute? 442 00:22:56,360 --> 00:23:01,230 Sorry. I just wanted to take this opportunity to ask the parents, 443 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,750 and everybody here, 444 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,350 to give a massive round of applause 445 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,110 to Miss Caroline Lacy, who has 446 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,870 organised this whole bloody thing. 447 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,280 Caroline Lacy. 448 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,790 Thank you. So much. 449 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,470 Shall I do the next promise? 450 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,630 Yeah. 451 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:27,990 Oh! This one is from Julia Johnston... 452 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,320 Where's Julia? 453 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,270 Um... I'm Julia. 454 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,760 Julia. 455 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,990 Of course. 456 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,830 Oh, my goodness. This is an interesting one! 457 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,950 Maid for a week... 458 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,590 You're going to be someone's maid for a whole week? 459 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,710 That's wonderful! Oh, my God! 460 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,870 Julia, thank you. 461 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,630 - What? - That's so good of you. 462 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,590 Sorry, I don't know what's happening now. 463 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,750 I think this is a bit of a special one, so shall we start it at £25? 464 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,230 - £25. - £25! Already! - I don't know what's happening now. 465 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,710 Any advance on 25? 466 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,430 - £30. - Anyone else like to bid on Julia being your maid 467 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,510 for a whole week? 468 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,110 I presume that's weekdays, Julia? 469 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,110 No, I can't be a maid for a week, I... 470 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,150 Any more for any more? 471 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,630 I can't do the thing that I'm moving the arrow for. 472 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,950 - £50. - 50, thank you! 473 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,110 That's wrong as an amount, because I... 474 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,510 - I can't... - £100! - Thank you! 475 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,200 - 200! - Thank you! 476 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,630 Well, ladies and gentlemen, 477 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,480 we did it. We hit the target, we did it! 478 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,910 We didn't do it, no. No, no, no, no. We didn't do it. 479 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,230 We didn't do it. I can't be a maid for a week. 480 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,230 I can't do this. I didn't write this. 481 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,550 This isn't me. I didn't do this. I didn't write this. Can I see that? 482 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,030 Can I see that? Can I see it? 483 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,510 Can I see it? Thank you. This isn't my handwriting. 484 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,430 Who wrote this? Liz? 485 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,350 I'm so sorry. I can't commit to this. 486 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,670 This is some kind of, someone's idea of a very funny joke. 487 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:12,120 I'm a working mother, and I can't possibly be a maid for a week. 488 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,470 Maybe I could do a Saturday. But I definitely can't do this Saturday, 489 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,230 because we have to go and see my husband's family this Saturday. 490 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:22,470 But I could check my iCal, 491 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,950 there might be a Saturday at the end of September. 492 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,600 But that would have to be a very, very light pencil. 493 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,440 I'm so sorry. It's just the practicalities of... 494 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,750 I'll tell you what. Listen. Why don't we just... 495 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,230 Let's take it off the table, off the table, off the table, off the table. 496 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,030 Let's start again. Let's start again. 497 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,790 Caroline, what's the next promise? 498 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,750 Julia, please can I have the microphone back? 499 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,310 No. I'll bid on it. 500 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:50,270 Whatever it is, I will bid on it, let's have a little look in the box. 501 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,710 And we have two nights in a cottage in Margate. 502 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,110 What do we need for the total? We need £200. 503 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,670 I'll pay 200! 504 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,870 I'll pay £200! 505 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,360 Boom! And we've done it! 506 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,670 We've done it, everybody. 507 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,880 Can I get a "whoop, whoop"! 508 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,520 Whoop, whoop! 509 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,150 We did it! 510 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,070 Thank you, Julia. 511 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,510 No problem. 512 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,870 It's for a great cause. 513 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,430 I can't believe I just spent £200 on a shit hole in Margate. 514 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,960 That's my summer home. That was my promise. 515 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:39,150 I've a message for the owner of the teal Alice coat. 516 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,200 Um, your phone went off numerous times. 517 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,960 Apparently there's been a flood in your bathroom. 518 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,030 The people downstairs have gone to a hotel for the night. 519 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,710 Your children are safe, the baby-sitter's safe. 520 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,150 The fire brigade have been around, 521 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,630 so there's nothing to worry about there. 522 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,870 The cat is unaccounted for, 523 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,070 but it's unlikely there is a sad ending. 524 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,390 You know cats. 525 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,710 But unfortunately, it doesn't sound like the hallway rug is salvageable. 526 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:17,240 So... So hit me up at the back of the hall, if you want to call Jenny. 527 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,080 Although she says there's not a lot you can do about it now, so... 528 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,800 .. so enjoy your evening. 529 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,190 Um... 530 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,560 Although the evening is, of course, over.